you might be a personal finance redneck if…

With the holidays coming up, I decided rather than posting a serious piece, I’d just post a little lighthearted thing that I wrote a while back. It’s all in good fun – I grew up in a small town in Mississippi so don’t think I’m being prejudiced! This piece obviously owes a huge nod to the original idea by Jeff Foxworthy.

you might be a redneck cat if...

(photo credit: The Duke of URL)

You might be a personal finance redneck if…

…you don’t have to pay alimony because the state you live in never recognized your marriage to your sister in the first place.
…the only stock you care about is a the racing kind.
…somebody asks you if you’d like to invest in a CD and you tell them “no, I’d rather invest in a DVD.”
…when people ask you when you want to retire, you say “right after I get a flat one.”
…you reckon that diversifying is going to be tough to do because you never did any versifying in the first place.
…keeping up with the Joneses means moving your trailer 50 feet to the right.
…you think Warren Buffet is a place where rabbits have an all-you-can-eat bar.
…you pulled your kids out of school after you heard about ‘No Child Left Behind’ because you didn’t want a bunch of one-right-buttock-only children to support.
…you don’t have to worry about the Latte factor, you have to worry about the Kools-and-Schlitz Factor.
…everyone around you had a Poor Dad.
…only use the phrase debt snowball in the middle of a snowball fight: “Watch out fer debt snowball!”
…got all happy when you heard someone talking about an IRA, because you figured it’s time for the NRA to go International.
…you ask a worker at the Wal Mart where you can find the new Formula 401 … you know, the 401K?
…your financial advisor and your bartender are the same person.
…your idea of saving for the future is buying Coke by the case.
…you don’t worry about your retirement because Ed McMahon’s assured you that you might already be a winner.

…and finally…
…you actually know in detail why a subprime mortgage isn’t such a great deal after all.

Hope everyone enjoys their Christmas Eve. I know it will be slow this week but I plan to keep on posting on a regular schedule, so check back often! If you haven’t sent someone a gift yet, I highly recommend sending an gift card!

30 Replies to “you might be a personal finance redneck if…”

  1. Oh, boy!

    What do I now do with the 400 crates of Coke that I have just ordered?

    Maybe I can find someone who wants to versify into Coke?

  2. Pingback: Boxing Day Bonanza
  3. ah’s glad thet ev’ryone injoyed mah article an’ thet (so far) nobody took offense. ah’s sho’nuff ah c’d turn this hyar into a regular feature eff’n ah gave it inough thunk! Fry mah hide!

    Translation: I am glad that everyone enjoyed my article and that (so far) nobody took offense. I am sure I could turn this into a regular feature if I gave it enough thought! (from

    1. I enjoy a good redneck joke. Thanks for sharing it. I plan to include your article in my weekly carnival review this Friday.

  4. Pingback: Carnival of Personal Finance #133 - Last of 2007 Edition
    1. Thanks very much! It's been a while since I ran the personal finance redneck article – maybe I should dust it off and add a few more!

  5. Great read! Born and raised in Alabama, I enjoy a good redneck joke. Thanks for sharing it. I plan to include your article in my weekly carnival review this Friday.

    Best Wishes,

  6. @Greg: Indeed – that’s funny. I’m glad I DIDN’T read your post before I wrote mine since I’d be plagiarizing the plagiarization of Foxworthy’s ideas that we both did πŸ™‚ Seriously, your list is excellent – we clearly do share a taste in humor!

    Thanks to so many people for linking to it!

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