you might be a personal finance redneck if…

With the holidays coming up, I decided rather than posting a serious piece, I’d just post a little lighthearted thing that I wrote a while back. It’s all in good fun – I grew up in a small town in Mississippi so don’t think I’m being prejudiced! This piece obviously owes a huge nod to the original idea by Jeff Foxworthy.

(photo credit: The Duke of URL)

You might be a personal finance redneck if…

…you don’t have to pay alimony because the state you live in never recognized your marriage to your sister in the first place.
…the only stock you care about is a the racing kind.
…somebody asks you if you’d like to invest in a CD and you tell them “no, I’d rather invest in a DVD.”
…when people ask you when you want to retire, you say “right after I get a flat one.”
…you reckon that diversifying is going to be tough to do because you never did any versifying in the first place.
…keeping up with the Joneses means moving your trailer 50 feet to the right.
…you think Warren Buffet is a place where rabbits have an all-you-can-eat bar.
…you pulled your kids out of school after you heard about ‘No Child Left Behind’ because you didn’t want a bunch of one-right-buttock-only children to support.
…you don’t have to worry about the Latte factor, you have to worry about the Kools-and-Schlitz Factor.
…everyone around you had a Poor Dad.
…only use the phrase debt snowball in the middle of a snowball fight: “Watch out fer debt snowball!”
…got all happy when you heard someone talking about an IRA, because you figured it’s time for the NRA to go International.
…you ask a worker at the Wal Mart where you can find the new Formula 401 … you know, the 401K?
…your financial advisor and your bartender are the same person.
…your idea of saving for the future is buying Coke by the case.
…you don’t worry about your retirement because Ed McMahon’s assured you that you might already be a winner.

…and finally…
…you actually know in detail why a subprime mortgage isn’t such a great deal after all.

Hope everyone enjoys their Christmas Eve. I know it will be slow this week but I plan to keep on posting on a regular schedule, so check back often! If you haven’t sent someone a gift yet, I highly recommend sending an amazon.com gift card!