Category Archives: life

russian food

how russians celebrate the new year

life, , , , ,

russian food

This is a guest post from my wife, Bubelah, originally posted on another blog. I’ve reprinted it here, although I’ve taken out some of her commentary and added my own - so by this point it’s a “joint” post. But it’s still written as if she wrote it? Confused? Forget it, read on…

New Year’s Celebration is a big holiday for a Russian family; in our family the holiday is accompanied by lots of traditional foods, vodka, cognac and champagne drinking. I call it the “New Year Russian Style.” For Russians, the New Year’s Eve celebration is bigger than Christmas or any other holiday or all of them combined together. It arose during the secular regime of the former USSR. The celebration lasts all night and spills over to the next day. The preparations for the celebration of the New Year are as busy as for Christmas in the western world.

Before moving from New Jersey to Florida, we usually were the hosts for my family. But since we moved, we’ll be visiting my sister’s house in Long Island and celebrating there. One thing that won’t change, though, is the elaborate menu.

The “Russian table” is an overwhelming experience if you haven’t eaten it before. Dishes begin with cold foods and zakuski (appetizers) and course after course is added throughout the night. Alcohol flows freely. The highlight of the evening will usually be a large meat dish; in our family this is usually a dish called shashlik, which is the rough equivalent of shish-kabobs. By the time it arrives, dozens of plates of food will be crammed onto every square inch of the table; the idea is that your New Year’s table should be full and abundant to invite an abundant year into your lives.

Father Frost (in the form of my husband Steve, wearing a costume) will visit us with a big bag full of presents. Presents don’t have to be anything big. If you know a person you can tell what they like the most. And I know that my husband loves to drink coffee all day long - you can guess what he is getting for New Year’s.

But the real magic of the holidays is about festivities, food, laughter and drunken dancing on the table with your family. Have a healthy and abundant 2011!

photo Some rights reserved by mathiasbaert

one resolution a month

inspirational, life, , ,

As we prepare to wrap up yet another year and start a new one, I’ve been trying - unsuccessfully, in most ways - to put some serious effort into thinking about my goals. Honestly, 2010 has been a year to forget for me - I’ve fallen behind in almost every aspect of my life that matters to me. Some areas I’ve fallen behind quite badly; others have simply slipped a little. But as I’ve thought about how to fix all of them, I’ve realized that a piece of oft-repeated advice is key: it’s tough to change multiple habits at once. If you start January 1st making ten resolutions, you’re less likely to keep any of them. What I’ve considered doing - and I’m still trying to steel myself to something like this - is to start to change one bad habit each month of 2011. I believe I picked this up from Zen Habits a few years ago, although I don’t know if this thought process was originated there.

I’ve picked up recently on the concept of fear of success. Even though people claim to fear failure, they really fear success even more. I can relate to this in terms of career, of course; if you fail, little is expected of you. You don’t stay busy. You don’t have to get out and do things. But if you succeed, you’ll be doing more. You’ll have to talk to more people, deal with the ancillary parts of success such as professional events and so on. So it’s scary. It’s easier to fail at fitness, too; if you commit to the hard work of running or lifting weights or whatever you choose, you’ll have a lot of work in front of you. Even though people claim to WANT to be fit, they are afraid of what will be required to succeed. Anybody can fail to be fit fairly easily; it’s not much work. So as I cross the finish line of 2010 stumbling rather than sprinting, I’ll be doing some serious thinking about how to refocus my efforts on various areas of my life: physical, financial, career, emotional, family, friends, intellectual, spiritual. Just not all at once.

Have a great New Year’s Eve - be careful out there!

photo Some rights reserved by ky_olsen

charity for Russian children

family, inspirational, life, , , ,

letters_happychildhood_rcwsI originally wrote this post a couple of years ago, but in the Christmas spirit I decided to update it a bit. At the time I took place in a group writing project over at Babylune. The project asked bloggers to highlight their favorite charity. I thought it was a great chance to offer a little support to my favorite charity, and support a very positive writing project.

I came across the Russian Children’s Welfare Society a few years ago through an Internet search trying to identify a charity for the benefit of Russian children. Having lived in Russia for several years in the mid-90s, I’ve always had a soft spot for the country. In addition, I’ve always been very moved by the plight of the most helpless people in any society - the very young, the very ill and the very old. The RCWS has been in existence since 1926. The primary purpose - to help Russian children - has become especially critical after the fall of the Soviet Union. Russia now has nearly 700,000 children in orphanages, a sad total, but nothing compared to the estimated 2.5 million homeless children. The RCWS directs its giving in several ways (from the website):

  • Medical care, the education of the Russian doctors that provide it, and supplies
  • Orphanages and homeless shelters
  • Rehabilitation centers for the disabled or mentally challenged
  • Educational scholarships
  • A Moscow “Yelka” (New Year) party during the holiday season for over 2,000 children. We believe it is the most important celebration of its kind in Russia. Each child receives a gift. For many, it is the only one they will receive for Christmas.

There are also programs specifically benefiting the survivors of the Beslan massacre. The Beslan massacre took place September 1, 2004 at a school in the North Caucasus. A group of terrorists took the school hostage, and on the third day of the standoff a gun battle broke out with Russian security forces. Over 300 civilians were killed, including 186 children. For a town with only 35,000 residents this was a horrific blow, and the need for psychological and emotional support is critical.

Most Westerners have never had to see the horror of children begging and stealing in the streets. It is truly one of the most awful things you can see, and it affects me even more deeply as a parent now. The thought of children meeting Ded Moroz (Santa Claus/St. Nicholas) at the RCWS Yelka (basically the Russian equivalent of a Christmas party) for the first time in their lives and receiving what may be for many of them the first present they’ve ever received in their lives always makes me tear up.

RCWS also helps with scholarships for older orphans, reconstructive surgery (cleft palates, etc.) and many other programs. There’s simply so much to do that I’m sure even if they received millions every year they’d still spend it all without spending a minute worrying about HOW.

RCWS spends more on direct aid to children than it takes in (as of 2005, the latest available public data). You can read more about them at Guidestar (registration required).

I know there are many important and desperate causes in the world, and everyone has to decide what is important in their own mind. Here is the contact information for the RCWS.

Russian Children’s Welfare Society, Inc.
200 Park Avenue South, Suite 1617
New York, NY 10003
1-888-732-RCWS
1-212-473-6263
Fax: 1-212-473-6301
main@rcws.org

Note 1: RCWS does not assist in adoptions in any way, shape or form. They are not an adoption agency, so please don’t assume they will help in any way, shape or form with adoptions!
Note 2: I am not in any way affiliated with RCWS other than as a donor.

And the happy ending to this post can be found here.

6 things to study for the well-rounded mind

career, education, life, , ,

smart-drug

What are the best subjects to learn for business - and life - success? If anyone sat down to identify the perfect secondary (and maybe college) education, I doubt they would come up with today’s average American curriculum. While there are plenty of courses in basic skills (reading, writing, mathematics, and so on) many other just as critical basic skills are overlooked (personal finance, homemaking, health/physical education). What are some of the critical components missing from our national curriculum?

From my own personal experience, I can suggest a few, but there are probably many more you can think of easily. I could also bash a few courses I took, but an argument can always be made for “knowledge for knowledge’s sake.” I believe that sincerely. I have never, for example, “used” A Tale of Two Cities in my day-to-day life, but I’m glad I was forced to read it, stuck with it and finished it. Experiences like that created a love of reading for me. Other subjects I guess can be chalked up to “generally good to know although not terribly useful.” For me this included subjects like biology and mythology (one semester of “English” was actually spent studying mythology, which apparently means “Greek mythology” since we didn’t study anything else (not even the excellent D’Aulaires’ Book of Norse Myths). While those subjects were sometimes interesting, I didn’t learn much from either except that I don’t like biology and that you shouldn’t steal fire from the gods.

Here are a few subjects that are very useful, and why:

1. Typing. Out of all of the courses I’ve taken in my life, this one has made the most profound difference in my daily life. I took a typing course in high school, back when it meant learning to pound out “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” 500 times on a MANUAL typewriter. However, the experience taught me how to type, and very, very well, which means I can blaze away typing even while carrying on a conversation or reading something else. I doubt I have to explain to anyone who uses a computer why lightning-fast typing speed is useful.

2. Speech. I took a public speaking class that changed my life. Before that class, like everyone, I was nervous about speaking. After it, I was still nervous, but I learned that it was a temporary nervousness and that anything was possible. We had to give speeches to groups, recite monologues, debate, take questions and almost any type of “speaking in front of a crowd” activity you can think of. To this day I am relaxed and confident speaking to any group; I have addressed 2000 people or 10 board directors or 1 interviewer with equal calm.

3. Personal finance. I didn’t ever take a personal finance course, and I wish I had. Everything I learned about finance before college came from my parents, my grandparents about money, part 1 | brip blap or my own reading. A course that taught me things they weren’t as familiar with or not as proficient with - real estate dealings come to mind - would have been a great learning experience for me. That having been said, I’m sure personal finance would use textbooks sponsored by Capital One and tout the benefit of home equity loans to consolidate credit card debt.

4. Physical education. As a varsity athlete I was exempt from physical education, but I wish I hadn’t been. Learning to do some very basic “normal” training would have been helpful. I focused all of my energy on preparation for one sport (tennis) rather than general fitness. This had disastrous results later in life.

5. Homemaking. Don’t laugh. I think learning how to cook could save this country billions in health care costs. Imagine if people could actually prepare healthy food at home. My mother is a terrific cook, and I never had any motivation throughout high school to learn how to cook. I went straight from there to a fraternity house where meals were provided. When I finally started living on my own, my gourmet best was frozen pizza…

6. Civics. I took a civics course, but it was ridiculous. My wife, who is an immigrant, was required to undergo detailed testing before she obtained US citizenship on the Constitution, US history and civic life. Now, it may not be necessary for everyone in this country to know how many Congressmen there are or how many Supreme Court justices there are (although they should) but everyone should know the Bill of Rights and their civic duties (jury duty and so on).

Optional Bonus #7: A foreign language. Now, many people might disagree with me on this suggestion, and of course many people feel a certain nationalistic need to defend English as “America’s language” or French as “Belgium’s language” or whatever. I don’t really think most people need to become fluent in a foreign language, and I’ve been a great proponent of the world agreeing on a true lingua franca – a second language everyone would learn. As of today, that language might be English – it’s fairly easy to learn and already quite widespread. But 100 years from now it might be Portuguese, or Spanish. Who knows, who cares. The point is that foreign languages open up your mind. Studying a foreign language helps you understand that different people think differently. That’s invaluable, in my opinion. My life so far has taken a vastly different direction than it might have thanks to my study of foreign languages – especially Russian. You can see why by reading an old post of mine, “boosting your career with an overseas stint“.

You could go on, but these are some basic courses that would make a big difference in the US population. They are not taught often enough, and it’s a shame they aren’t. I am amazed to this day when I see people hunt-and-peck on the keyboard - not because I blame them, but because that’s not a basic required course for graduation from high school today. The same goes for the other 5 subjects up there. It’s hard to say when they will be required - or if they ever will be - but we can hope.

repeated violent blows to the head

inspirational, life, , , ,

I don’t often link to contemporary news stories, but this one was worth a mention. Now, it’s a sports-related story, so bear with me. It’s about sports, but not a game summary or anything like that. As you may (or may not know) the National Football League has put a lot of emphasis (or paid a lot of lip service, at least) to injury-related issues. The sports (and even non-sports) media spent a lot of time talking about concussions and head injuries earlier in the season. One big news item arose when the autopsy of a college football player who committed suicide, Owen Thomas from UPenn, revealed that he had chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a condition common in older football players. That condition also occurs in boxers, and the cause is simple: repeated violent blows to the head.

More recently this season, the league and media have started to pay more attention to the brutality of tackles in the game. Two football players, one pro and one in college, were paralyzed in one weekend. The pro player recovered; as I write this, the college player remains paralyzed from the neck down. The NFL saw a series of absolutely mind-numbing hits which caused a great deal of consternation, and the league promises to crack down. That’s what led me to this thought-provoking article by Joe Posnanski in Sports Illustrated. One excerpt stayed with me:

So where are we now? There’s a real momentum to stop the most bloodthirsty of hits. We do, many of us, most of us even, worry that the game is getting too scary, too painful, that it’s hard to maintain our suspension of disbelief. We want the NFL to do something about the injuries. But … what? We still want the NFL to be about pain. We want both those things, same time. And are we really willing — in that place deep down, in what Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men called “places you don’t talk about at parties” — really willing as fans to give up pain to stop injuries?

I like that Nicholson quote, as well. The movie is fairly dull, but the famous interrogation of Nicholson by Tom Cruise – the “you can’t handle the truth!” scene – is very good:

Nicholson’s rant is a bit on the “you are with us or against us” side that I find unappealing. But his point is valid, and applies to many parts of our lives. We don’t want to see how our meat is “processed.” We don’t want to experience prison life. We don’t even want to know how our wars are run. We may read exposes about Abu Ghraib, but after a brief spell of (well-deserved) collective national disgust (or, in certain quarters, glee) the news returned to the Kardashians.

But what brought this all together for me is the fact that we have to be conscious of almost everything in our lives in order to live deliberately by a set of values. Some actions are clearly negative: smoking, for example. Some are negative if not pursued in moderation: eating, drinking, working hard, religious fervor, political fervor and so on. But if you sit back and focus on more subtle activities and habits, you may realize they have a negative impact on you, too.

Now, I love football. I have never played football at any level other than after school on the high school field with a group of buddies. I played a non-team sport throughout high school (tennis). I was tall at a young age – a picture of me from tennis camp (maybe 8th or 9th grade?) has me towering over the other boys – I don’t think one head reached as high as my shoulder. My size and tennis conditioning made me a constant target of pressure from the high school football coach: every year, when getting my physical for tennis, he’d be there, telling me I could start, I could have an instant impact. My parents never signed the permission forms, though, fearing exactly the type of violence I wrote about above. I never played a team sport until, burned out on tennis, I joined the lacrosse team in college.

But despite never playing, I remain an avid fan (this blog actually ranks very high in searches for the New York Jets, ironically). But for the first time in a long time I started thinking about football, past my enjoyment of it. I don’t watch the news, although I do read some online occasionally. So the violence of war and crime come at me mostly in the form of words. But with football I bring a lot of violence into my mind. A great deal of enjoyment comes with that violence, too. I love a brutal tackle as much as the next person. You can’t love football without loving the violence that finishes every single play (with the exception of out-of-bounds, but even there you often see brutal hits). The sport shoves a great deal of violent imagery and language into my head.

I doubt I will stop watching football tomorrow, but for the first time I thought about it. I doubt I will quit many of my somewhat-bad habits even when confronted with the negatives (for example, meat eating). I still have plenty of downright bad habits to confront before I focus on those: temper, laziness, lack of focus and so on. But in confronting those bad habits – like temper, for example – it is valuable for me to understand that things like the underlying violence in a sport that brings me joy may actually be building up habits that don’t – like my temper. This observation – prompted by a Sports Illustrated article, of all things – made me think about a fully conscious and designed life for the first time.

would you emigrate?

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statue of liberty

Bubelah and I were talking this evening about the mind-process required to emigrate. It’s not just a one-time step, either. You make a decision, for example, to leave your city; then your region; then your country. But after that comes the whole horrifying (or exciting) next process: leaving the city in the region in the country you emigrated to. It’s possibly a never-ending process.

To give some context, in the area I’m familiar with: a lot of people living in Russia leave their small towns and move to Moscow. Moscow’s the cultural, political and economic center of one of the world’s largest countries, so it’s a destination in and of itself. But a few hardy souls either leave directly from their small town or keep moving on from Moscow. If they are Jewish, they might head on out to Israel. They might head to New York, though, with its sizable Russian population. While emigrating to New York is a huge step, it’s ultimately a halfway step.

In New York, for example, you can live in a Russian neighborhood. You can have a Russian landlord, shop at Russian groceries, attend Russian churches or synagogues, eat at Russian restaurants and watch Russian TV on Dish or DirectTV. Your neighbors will be Russian, you’ll be able to buy books and newspapers at the Russian bookstores, and you can even buy Russian cartoon character toys at the Russian version of Wal-Mart. Life changes, for sure: you’re still in America, and the climate and the politics and maybe - occasionally - someone on the subway next to you will be different. But you can still lead a Russian-centric life.

After that first step, though, some immigrants take the leap and spread outwards in their adopted country. Moving to Chicago is a big step; lots of Ukrainians and Polish people, but fewer Russians. Moving to DC? Some Russians, but not concentrated like New York. And then there are the true pioneers, so to speak: the ones who move to Nashville or Kansas City or Jacksonville. The community disappears, and the immigrant is left alone - resistance (to assimilation, so to speak) is futile.

Before you think that’s easy, imagine this: living in a city where not only your language but your culture, your attitude towards life, is not only unique but may be misunderstood or even hated. I experienced this once in my life, when I was on an extended business trip for a couple of months to Vladivostok, in eastern Siberia. At the time, it was a recently opened “military city.” It had only been open to non-Soviets/Russians for a year when I arrived. There were a small number of Japanese and Korean inhabitants, but a tiny scattering of Americans - according to one of the Russian citizens at the bank I worked at, maybe less than 20.

It’s intimidating. Imagine going to a place where nobody understands your language. That’s tough. But I understood Russian, I can still tell you it’s tough when nobody understands your culture. They can’t understand you, but more importantly they can’t understand how you think. If you let yourself be open to this experience, it can be exhilarating; if you don’t, it can be terrifying.

It’s an amazing experience either way, of course, and it applies even to people who never leave their own country. If you work as an entrepreneur, how can you make employees understand you? If you’re a lifelong corporate employee, how can you explain your life to an academic - or a friend who works at a not-for-profit. Can someone who does freelance writing for a living understand an accounts payable clerk at a Fortune 500 company?

That’s what emigration means. Learning to understand, and making people learn to understand you. The process of learning is a struggle. I lived it (briefly, in Russia), and although I think I managed to dip a toe into a new culture, I never got all wet - because I knew I could leave. What would it take for you to make that plunge, and move into a new country/life/culture - and give up the old? Would it be love? Money? The challenge? Or even, as in many immigrants’ cases, the necessity? I don’t know if I could ever do it again unless I had to, but it was tough - and I admire people who can do it and succeed, to any level.

the chocolate diet

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Will people buy idiotic junk that they think will help them lose weight/attract a man/make money/get government money? You don’t have to spend much time flipping channels to see the answer to that. People want a quick answer. Want to talk to someone about boring old saving for the future, or buy the latest get-rich-now book at Barnes and Noble? Want to get coaching from a stuffy old CPA, or a “life coach” who doesn’t have a college education but claims to be a millionaire (what are the odds you’ll get a bank statement to review)? I think we know the answer there. Just look at politicians and pop culture and you’ll see what sells - NO PAIN WEIGHT LOSS. No money down real estate investing. Etc.

Everyone who’s fat knows deep down that “eat less, exercise more” is all they need to know. Everyone who’s poor knows that spend less, make more is all they need to know. Do you need Dave Ramsey to tell you to quit putting your cable TV bill on your 19% interest rate credit card every month? Apparently. Do you need Dr. Oz to tell you that carrots are healthier than chips? Do you need some talking head on a “business channel” on TV to tell you that getting rich is possible - but not guaranteed - for everyone? I would submit that deep down someone who stopped reading books after they finished college (or high school), watches 5 hours of TV a night and complains about the fat cats in Washington stealing their tax dollars knows that the problem is that they won’t get off the couch to get more education, start a business, etc. They’d rather hope that someone can sell them a “get rich now” package and zip right past the annoying hard work.

Everyone wants to know that they can eat chocolate AND lose weight – or spend a lot, work a little and be rich. Everyone wants to find the chocolate diet.

All that having been said, who’s getting richer? Robert Kiyosaki, selling his rehashing of the same 5 or 6 principles in 85 different formats? Or Larry Q. CPA, advising people to take their money out of the Super Power Mutual Fund and putting it into boring Vanguard index funds?

The answer is obvious. Everyone wants to learn about the chocolate diet. It’s the same with money - people would rather waste money hearing that they too can be Donald Trump, rather than having it pointed out to them that Donald Trump was already the son of a millionaire when he began his first day of work, and that their best bet is to quit buying Wii games, eat some bag lunches and pay off their Visa balance.

I know it’s difficult to hear. I’ve hoped to find a secret formula for years – both for weight loss and personal finance – but the answer is always simple: hard work and sacrifice lead to success. Sure, some trucker in West Virginia might win the lotto, and some dude eats Subway sandwiches every day for a year and loses 100 pounds. Fine. Exceptions prove the rule: even the luckiest rich people and the genetically-gifted pretty people make sacrifices and work at what they do.

I always remember a quote, although I can’t remember the source. I think it was a talk show, and someone was complaining about never having time to work out. The host said something like “did you watch Seinfeld this week? Well, then you had time to jog in place for 30 minutes.” The point is simple: I complain about not having enough time to get to everything I’d like to, but then again I can debate the small points of Mad Men with you - I haven’t missed an episode yet, and I have a Netflix subscription that is being used. Success isn’t born watching cable TV, just as weight loss doesn’t begin while snacking on chocolate. Saying it is easy. Living it is hard.

The Perfect Salary for Happiness

life, money, , , ,

Maybe you’ve already heard. But for those who need a recap, a recent Wall Street Journal article has brought the nations’ attention to some buzz-generating findings from a Gallup survey about the economy. Princeton economist Angus Deaton and psychologist Daniel Kahneman have interpreted Americans’ responses to the survey and have found that there is a threshold, above which, money no longer contributes to “day-to-day contentment.”

The magic number: yearly earnings of $75,000.

That’s right. The emotional well-being of one who makes less than $75,000 a year rises with all gains in income, but for those who earn more, there is no change. Thus, this survey suggests there is a ceiling at which money no longer adds to daily happiness. However, there was no plateau found with regards to what the researchers called “overall life assessment,” or “broader satisfaction with one’s place in the world.” It’s still apparently true that the more money one earns, the better they feel about life in general.

What it says about us

This income plateau concept makes for some pretty interesting social commentary. Essentially, the survey seems to indicate that money, after a certain point, matters only in the larger scheme of things. Once one reaches a certain point where bills, rent, and mouths to feed are no longer an issue, then money does not add or subtract to or from one’s daily contentment.

But doesn’t that fly in face of our consumer mindset? What about the prevalent (predominant) culture of the impulse buy? The world in which weekends are spent perusing dinette sets at Pottery Barn or trying on clothes at Macy’s rather than spending time with our loved ones or going for a walk on a sunny day. Advertisements tell us to buy, Buy, BUY to look better, fit in, and feel better about ourselves. So logically if you have more money you can buy more things and feel more of that instantaneous buyer’s rush, you’ll be happier in the short-term, correct?

Well, apparently, wrong. The study reveals what the Don Drapers of the world don’t want you to know. Buying things can’t ultimately make you feel better. It may provide a quick jolt of pleasure in owning something new, but that fleeting feeling barely registers a blip on that day’s happy radar.

What you can’t put a price tag on

In this humble writer’s opinion, day to day happiness is the result of living comfortably, of taking care of the things necessary to living for one’s self and one’s loved ones and taking care of them well, such as living in a decent enough house in a safe neighborhood, without too much worry for the future. Luxuries like fancy clothes, sports cars, and McMansions - on a daily basis, do not matter so much.

But take some time and reflect on your own priorities. What matters more - happiness in the moment or happiness in the larger scheme of things? Do the findings of Deaton and Kahneman illustrate that money does not buy happiness? Do you live like it does?

Joseph Gustav enjoys musing on topics related to the economy and employment as a guest blogger for Pounding the Pavement and Guide to Career Education.

the poetry of less

life, , , , ,

I suppose the craze for minimalism and simplicity has taken over the national consciousness: it’s even poetry now (if, in fact, you think that poetry impinges on the national consciousness):

From Kay Ryan, America’s poet laureate*:

Meaning: once
You’ve swept
the shelves
of spoons
and plates
you kept
for guests,
it gets harder
not to also
simplify the larder,
not to dismiss
rooms, not to
divest yourself
of all the chairs
but one, not
to test what
singleness can bear,
once you’ve begun.

I have my dad to thank for this – he’s an excellent source of eclectic references that he finds all around the internet (and from his whimsical interest in some things that were called “bookes” back in the 20th century, I think).

I haven’t been a big proponent of minimalism or frugality on this blog. I’m much more concerned – at least in practice – with the idea of making more money rather than saving it. But three things have happened to me – some recently, some over the last few years – that have made me turn more and more often to the idea of minimalism/frugality.

1. Peace of mind.

This one is tied almost completely to the type of person you are. I know plenty of people who love their things. I’m not saying that in the dismissive sense of “oh she loves her TV.” No, some people enjoy the warmth that is created by a house full of books, or a house full of pictures or cozy decor. I get it, I do, and I love it in small doses. That having been said, it’s not for me. I like openness and clean spaces. I spent about a year deeply interested in feng shui, and although I couldn’t say my house is completely aligned with the principles of feng shui, I have found that some of the ideas made me feel…well…better. Having a clear space that “flows” makes me feel more peaceful, and that makes me feel better spiritually, mentally and physically. I believe most Americans suffer from clutter: I haven’t seen many people with houses that aren’t cluttered, and I’d argue that the clutter tends to depress. I’m sure it doesn’t all of the time – but my own feeling is that fewer things tend to promote a calmer environment.

2. Simplicity.

I spent today clearing out my inbox. There’s a metaphor there for almost all of your life; there are many, many things we need to do, want to do and have to do, and how we prioritize them and get them done makes a large difference in our lives. My normal desire is to keep things moving along as efficiently as possible: if something needs to be done, do it, if it has to be done, do it at once, and if I want to do it I should create goals and tasks to make it happen as soon as possible. Sadly, my inclination is in no way reflected in my behavior; I’ll spend five days avoiding an unpleasant “need to do” task, for example. I like to think that avoiding the unpleasant tasks will help me avoid conflict, but it doesn’t – it makes one conflict (the unpleasant task) into two: the task and the avoidance of the task. Minimalism – at least in terms of what it means to me regarding task and goal management – means keeping a short to-do list. If you have something to do, do it. Don’t sit on it and wait; there is nothing in the world that is improved by waiting. I’m sure someone will prove me wrong, but I think learning to accomplish things as quickly as you can will make you a happier – and simpler – person.

3. Being green.

I have written about this before, but there are significant conflicts between being environmentally conscious, frugal, healthy and making life convenient – i.e. stress free – in many ways. Each one of these aspects matter. I know, for example, that paper towels are bad. They create waste. They aren’t frugal. Yet they are invaluable for health (and before you naysay that, think: little kids). They make life convenient: Bubelah and I might have spent hours and hours washing rags and countless more hours (and dollars) buying detergent and doing laundry. I almost think – despite how loathsome it sounds to me to say this – that parents of small kids deserve a pass for a few years on the environmental question. Even as I write that it looks ridiculous, but in my case it was the truth. I do my best to be green, but when it came to wiping poopy butts? I overused the wipes. I admit it.

But as I’ve grown to admire simplicity more and more I’ve realized that a lot of it is tied into the concept of environmentalism. Not just the standard “greenness” that’s derided by many, but the simple approach: can I avoid buying things I don’t really need? If I can wipe the countertops with a bit of vinegar and water, is it really so hard to avoid “green” cleaning sprays? If we can buy things in bulk and cut down on packaging, who’s hurt? And so on.

Simple

Really I just want to be simple and free of clutter – is that so wrong? If it happens to intersect with other trends like concern for the environment and frugality – and I believe right now they are just trends and won’t be remembered once times are better – is that wrong, either? I’ve found that nothing makes me happier than simple, with the one possible exception of the online/computer world (where I relish the challenge of dealing with complex technical challenges). Simple’s more than frugality, or minimalism or even being green. It just means adjusting yourself to what makes you – and the people who have to live with you – just happy enough to get on with their lives without interference.

It seems like a good way to live. As I try to continue to search for defining principles for my own life in terms of wealth, career, family, spirituality and plain old living, cutting out the unnecessary seems like a good place to start – across the board.

*Note: I hope Ms. Ryan doesn’t mind, but I reprinted the poem in its entirety, since I thought it would lose some punch if I didn’t. You can buy a collection of her works here: The Best of It: New and Selected Poems.

minimalism, and links

general, life, , , , ,

One of the most difficult steps to organize your life - finances, relationships, etc. - is decluttering, I think. I’ve been thinking a lot more recently about the idea of decluttering and minimalism. I don’t consider myself a minimalist, but I have simple test that works: if I clean up, do I feel more relaxed? If I organize and remove unnecessary items, do I feel better? Yes, I do. It’s not a tough test; anyone can do it quickly. I don’t like clutter. I don’t even like auditory clutter; on a Waldorf-inspired binge a few months ago, I removed almost all of our childrens’ toys’ batteries so we wouldn’t have to subject ourselves to the bleeping and blooping.

Part of the decluttering is tough. I do enjoy having a lot of books in the house, but I wonder: will our children even appreciate books or will they just tote a Kindle or a Nook around with them? I don’t like junk lying around but I can’t bring myself to toss out pictures our children having painstakingly crafted.

Minimalism and/or decluttering are tough journeys, no doubt about it. I’m reading more and trying to get my own head straight about what I want out of my material possessions. Is it fair for me to deny my kids batteries in their noisy toys while keeping a DVD player for myself, for example? Food for thought.

On to the links:

the passion of the hobbit

family, inspirational, life, , , , , , , , , , ,

It’s a subject I waffle back and forth on – the idea that passion needs to rule your life. It seems obvious, of course, that you should have passion for your spouse, children… then maybe a bit less obvious but still reasonable to have the same passion for relatives, friends and interests. Even less obvious would be the very abstract things like country, career, sports teams and so on. If you’re passionate about something lower on the list like that – say, American Idol – reexamine your priorities. I was passionate about Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I recognize that it wasn’t a good direction for my passions. I got a lot of entertainment out of it but my life is exactly 0.0% improved because of it.

But if you can’t focus on something, it’s a shortcoming. In my case, I don’t have a lot of passion for my work. I view it as a mechanical activity that provides food, shelter, clothing and Netflix for the family. I wouldn’t view this as ideal, although I realize at the same time that 99.99% of the human population wouldn’t view sitting in a quiet, air-conditioned cubicle for 8 hours a day for an income in the top 1% of the planet’s population as a hardship. Many of the “seize your passion” bloggers do – they assume that everyone can seize their internet business bliss – nobody has to make the computer, only to live off of them.

But that’s fine – of course some can and some can’t. Whether any of us choose to do so is of course a choice; if you love taking care of horses and instead choose to pursue a career as an account receivable manager, you’ve made a choice. Whether you can live with it or not is the problem - many can, and a few can’t. I’d guess that the time when all of this questioning really came into play was when the social contract that said companies would handle retirement broke down. If I worked for IBM for 25 years and knew they’d take care of me during those 25 years, and after, I’d be a lot more inclined to give up on the need for passion. But nowadays, that’s not true; just recently a colleague of mine got laid off from a company he’d worked for over 20 years without even a thank you. Your future is not secure.

I realized all of this tonight while reading to my son. For about a week we’ve been reading a few pages of “The Hobbit” by J. R. R. Tolkien every night. I’ve explained the general story to him – a little hobbit goes with a bunch of dwarves to steal back their gold from a dragon – but I don’t have many illusions about how well a four-year-old can follow Tolkien’s esoteric prose. It’s not exceptionally complicated, but it’s not Goodnight Moon.

But tonight when I asked him if he wanted to try something easier, he said no. I asked whether he understood most of it, and he said no. I asked then if he wanted to stop, and he said no. I asked why, if he couldn’t understand all of it, and he gave me an answer that should make things clear (to paraphrase): I’m excited about it because you’re excited about it, Papa. He liked listening to it because I liked reading it. Something was in my voice that wasn’t there when I was reading Goodnight Moon or I’m A Truck.

Some of my fondest memories from childhood are of my father reading The Hobbit to me from the same book at a slightly older age. I remember being a little confused by the language and the complex plot, but loving the fact that my dad thought I was ready for something so amazing. That passion translates easily, and makes reading something like The Hobbit far simpler than struggling through Goodnight Moon for the 100th time. Sitting down at the desk in the corporate office for the 100th time is much like that; coming up with new ideas, starting new jobs or developing new ideas is much like picking up The Hobbit.

I don’t like to think that work – and through that, life – is bleak without purpose. It’s not; other things should put life in balance even if there isn’t purpose in one’s work. But work and parenthood and friendship and one’s relationship with parents, community, school and whatever else are, in fact, intimately tied up with passion. Without the passion to pursue something – church, charity, community, work, parenthood, etc. – life is going to be a little less exciting. Excitement is its own reward.

infant swimming

family, life, , , , , ,

People have certain basic skills they need to acquire. The ability to feed yourself, clean yourself and shelter yourself are obvious. Past this come a whole list of “really ought to acquire” skills: understanding money, literacy and so on. However, living in New York for more than a decade I noticed that two skills were often never acquired by many city people: driving and swimming. The driving is easy enough to understand: if you’ve ever visited New York or a similar big city you’d know that driving your own car is more expensive (parking, tolls, insurance) and public transportation makes it very easy to get anywhere without driving. Swimming can just be attributed to the cold weather and the lack of nearby pools for learning to swim.

But starting from an early age, Bubelah and I have taken pains to make sure that both of our children are not only able to swim for recreational purposes, but able to “rescue” themselves if they fall in water unexpectedly. With Little Buddy we started when he was less than 1 year old, and with Pumpkin we started just after she was 1. The necessity for the training moved from a mild concern to an urgent one when we moved to Florida. You can’t go 100 feet without seeing a pond or a pool or some other body of water - let alone the fact that we’re in an oceanfront town.

We signed both of our kids up for the Infant Swimming Resource, and to get an idea of what that was like, watch this video (if you’re a parent, it’s fairly amazing).

You might think that’s some kind of trick, but my son (a little older than 3 when he took the course) and daughter (a little more than 1 year old at the time) could do exactly the same, even in full clothes with shoes on. It’s a shocking thing to observe - in a good way. I still wouldn’t trust either of them to spend even 1 minute unattended around a pond, but it does give me the confidence that they wouldn’t panic if they did fall in water someday, which - in the minute it might take me to reach them - they wouldn’t do something that would result in drowning.

No parent (or spouse or friend or anything else) wants to contemplate the mortality of their loved ones. Jan commented on my post about making time for details about my lack of a will:

No WILLLLLLL?????? and you have children? This is really bad. Just jump on line and go to a simple legal site and download one. In fact- write one yourself and take it to your next party. Line up four people to sign that they saw you sign it. Do the details later. Appoint guardianship! Do it- TODAY!

Jan was of course right. Just like it was difficult to talk about why a survival swimming course for our children was necessary (because we don’t want them to drown), it was difficult to talk about how our children’s lives should be handled if we died before they were at least young adults. After I had written about not having a will, though, I realized it was time for us to answer the ugly questions finally - it was irresponsible parenting to teach children to swim but not worry about what would happen if they were thrown in the water, figuratively speaking, by their parents’ deaths.

Infant swimming is a good metaphor for many of the life skills we want for those we love to acquire, and for many of the actions we can take on their behalf to give them the ability to react in a crisis. We teach kids to recite their names and address from the time they can talk in case they are lost. We teach them to survive falling in a pond. We set up wills to protect them (frankly) against the system. So many of these actions are small, but they require asking yourself “what’s the worst that can happen” - and being honest with yourself about the answers.

Note: This month, ISR has been selected to compete in the Pepsi® Refresh Project. ISR needs daily votes for FLOAT during the month of August to “Help Eliminate Childhood Drowning” at this link www.refresheverything.com/InfantSwim.

Voting opened Sunday, August 1st, and is open for just one month! ISR supporters can vote daily to help provide ISR lessons to families in need. The Pepsi projects with the most votes receive the grants. If you feel so inclined, please vote to help a worthy cause: stopping childhood drowning.