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embrace life is an original article from the website brip blap.

Once there was a farmer with a beautiful daughter. Men came from miles around to ask her father for her hand in marriage, but he was the old-fashioned type, and wanted to make sure his daughter would have a husband who provided for her – strong, sensible and industrious.

So finally he settled on three likely young men, and told them he would ask them a question to decide which one could woo his daughter. The three young men nervously waited while he prepared his pipe. Finally, he asked all three of them a single question: “If you are working in the fields and find there’s a stone in your shoe, how long can you work?”

The first young man sprung to his feet. “I can work all day long! I can ignore the stone in my shoe until the sun sets! I am tough and I will endure the pain.”

The farmer nodded and turned to the second young man. “I can do the same, but I’ll even whistle to show I’m not bothered one bit by the stone! I can completely ignore the pain.”

The farmer settled his corn cob pipe and turned to the third young man, who declared, “I can’t work one minute with a stone in my shoe.” The other two young men laughed and congratulated themselves, declaring loudly that one of them would surely be chosen. The third man finished as they laughed, saying “I’ll stop and take the stone out of my shoe and keep on working like I always would. And at the end of the day, my wife won’t have to wash a bloody sock.”

The third young man and the farmer’s daughter were married the next spring.

———-

The moral of the story is that it’s not always about being the toughest or the most driven – sometimes it’s about being smart. This applies almost every day in your work life and in your personal life. Don’t just keep hammering away at a problem to prove you can stick to a task. Know when to quit, reevaluate and begin fresh. And if you don’t know, stop, take a break and start again. The answer will come to you.

(photo by tibchris)

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the farmer’s daughter is an original article from the website brip blap.

Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?

- Robert Browning

Here am I sitting in my tin can, far above the world.  Planet Earth is blue, and there’s nothing I can do.

- David Bowie (Space Oddity)

Next year, the three remaining Space Shuttles will be decommissioned, and for the first time in almost 50 years, the United States will lack the capability to put a human into space.

I am a baby boomer.  My young formative years were shaped in no small way by the so-called Space Race of the 1960s.  I was eleven years old when one evening I watched a scratchy black and white broadcast and heard the words live: “It’s one small step for man, one giant leap for Mankind.”

I watched astronauts die; I saw the Space Shuttle Challenger explode.  I saw the initial report of the loss of contact with the Space Shuttle Columbia on reentry, and knew immediately it was lost.

I met Neil Armstrong, the first to set foot on the Moon; and John Glenn, the first to orbit the Earth, in person.  I knew Air Force colleagues with astronaut wings, because they flew outside of the reach of the atmosphere.  I myself applied for training as a Space Shuttle mission specialist (alas, I was rejected).  Astronauts were rock stars, and rock stars composed lyrics in praise of astronauts.

It pains me to see us as a society give up on space exploration.  What has happened to subsequent generations, to not appreciate the sacrifices made by those who paved the way, and to build on those experiences and sacrifices to reach just a little bit farther?

We can reasonably offer a great many justifications for abandoning human space exploration.  It is too expensive, too dangerous, we have too many other priorities closer to home.  All are true, but none is a reason not to reach for the sky and beyond.

There many practical and farsighted reasons to continue that reach, starting with the fact that curiosity is a survival trait.  The more we understand of the world around us, and beyond, the better prepared we are to live in an unforgiving universe.  We can’t say today how we may apply this knowledge in the future, but there will come a time when we wish we possessed it.

Most of us don’t look at life as particularly easy.  Today, we may face the prospect of being unemployed, employed in a boring dead-end job, losing our home, having health issues, or even simply frustrated with our lot in life and our seeming outlook for the future.  Space exploration can seem like a trivial and unforgiveable luxury when we are just trying to get through the next day.

It is to the credit of humans that we have the ability to look beyond our individual issues to abstract concepts that define us as a society and a species.  We need the knowledge, the experience, and the courage of those who are willing to push the boundaries of our existence still farther.

What we need, much more than solutions to our own individual problems, is heroes again.

photo by jurvetson

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Reaffirming a Vision is an original article from the website brip blap.

Listening to an interview on an ESPN podcast a couple of weeks ago (I forget which one), I heard a commentator bring up an interesting point about point-after-touchdown tries which I thought made a good life lesson, too.  The point was this, in a nutshell:  in football, when you score a touchdown you get an “extra play” in which you can kick the ball for one point or run, throw or pass it for two points.  Kicking is ridiculously easy – the success rate is 99% or something along those lines.  The two point option is much tougher, with a much lower chance of success.  The better result needs to be practiced when it can be practiced – so why isn’t it?

But the commentator asked this question:  since the preseason games were meaningless games, why didn’t coaches use the opportunity to practice the much riskier two point option and get better at it before the real games began?  Another commentator offered up this response:  “nobody wants to be the first coach to do that, but if someone did, everyone would quickly follow.”  He continued, “But nobody wants to fail making those two points, even in a meaningless game, because it would be embarrassing.”

Crazy, right? But why do we all do the same thing – avoid the meaningless risks?

As you move through life you’ll have a lot of opportunities to take a chance on something. Sometimes it’s something big – quitting a job, starting a business or buying a house – and sometimes it’s something that will make little difference in the long run:  pitching your boss on a new idea you had or asking the beautiful wallflower to dance.  Why don’t people take advantage of the small risks in life to practice their decision-making skills when they get a big chance?

It’s easy to take a risk on a small choice - don’t get the bleu-cheese burger at Houlihan’s, get the Shrimp-Ka-Bob.  Don’t get a Pepsi, get an RC.  These are the kind of risk-taking moments we all avoid but should take in order to advance in life.  If you get an RC and hate it, fine.  Go back to Pepsi.  But exercising that muscle – that risk-taking muscle – will make you a better person, whether you actually take those risks or not.  Taking those risks opens you open to possibilities, and possibilities are endless once you are willing to accept them.

photo by hellolapomme

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take small risks is an original article from the website brip blap.

I find inspiration in stupid places. Before you read further, let me say again:  stupid places.  Sure, I’ll quote Einstein and Emerson and Franklin from time to time.  Even guys like Napoleon Hill have a little bit of non-dumb cred.  But if you tell people you get inspiration from someone like Donald Trump or Adam Carolla, you’ll get a look or two.  It took me years to realize that if I enjoy metal music and get inspiration from it, I don’t need to feel bad about hating opera.

I’d like to think I’m a cultured guy. I am, by many standards.  I’ve studied four languages and still speak two of them.  I have read philosophy, poetry and prose til I’m blue in the face.  I play the flute and tuba, and back in the day could hold my own on the bass guitar.  I knew BASIC and Pascal.  I like country music (Hank Williams, Sr. era)  and drink cheap beer.  I love dumb sitcoms and heavy metal.  I’m all over the place in terms of culture.

You may think of yourself as the kind of person who needs inspiration from wonderful sources, but you don’t. Warren Buffet is a good guy to listen to, but let’s face it – if you get inspiration from Trump, there are bits and pieces to admire about his life, too.  People will tell you you’re a fool to draw inspiration from the dross – from Wayne Dyer or Kiyosaki – but there is something to be found in Seneca, and in the Secret; in Plato and in Oprah.

I spend more time than I should trying to find inspiration instead of acting on the inspiration I already have. It’s a failing of mine, and I imagine many people do the same.  How many self-help books suffice?  1? 10? 100?  I think if you read one and don’t act on it, two self-help books are too many, and by that standard I’m over the limit.

But find your inspiration where you can. I find it in movies and in books and even in music.  The point is not where you find inspiration – the point is whether you act on the inspiration you DO find.

photo by LancerE

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low brow inspiration is an original article from the website brip blap.

This was a big week in the Blap household. We received notification that the buyers of our house put down their (rather substantial) deposit on our house; we finalized a lease on our new rental for the next eight months (before we buy a new house); we locked in a mover and we started some packing in earnest.  It looks like it will happen.  It’s going to be an interesting experiment in remodeling our lives over the next year.  I’m a little bit scared and excited at the same time.  You can’t make a big move like this, so far away from most of what you and your spouse (and kids) know without wondering how it will work.  I’m excited about the change in climate and hopeful about the change in lifestyle – but I’m nervous about finding new income (job or consulting or whatever) and being so far away from our families.  It wasn’t a move I could have imagined a few years ago, but I approach it like I have most of the moves in my life – it is motion, is moving forward, not standing still… and therefore a good thing.

March 2009 Was a Perfect Example of Why You Shouldn’t Try to Time the Market:  Indeed.  But I did, a little, doubling up one of my loser financial industry positions once it hit rock bottom.

Save Money on a Diamond Ring:  I can’t imagine going through this again – is it big enough, clear enough, pretty enough?  I’m glad I got a good diamond.

Eight Ways to Beat Bad Customer Service: I dread my upcoming encounters with customer service – canceling dozens of services and restarting them in a new location will be a lovely experience, no doubt.

How to Hedge Against High Inflation: I think inflation will be under control by 2010, but if not…

Six Simple Ways To Simplify Your Life: I sympathized with this article a lot (let me emphasize, A LOT) because I have the same ridiculous fantasies about moving to the country and living off the land and eating cheese I curdled myself.  Then I realize I don’t even know if cheese IS curdled or what curdling is and I barely keep houseplants alive, and I love my electronica.  But it’s a fantasy, so I don’t blame myself.  I figure I have time to grow into my inner Thoreau.

Frugal Entertainment Rule: You Must Try Redbox:  I see these things everywhere, too, and I just can’t see any reason to ditch Netflix…yet.  Then again, it does seem like a much faster and more convenient option, as long as you’re willing to get to the store on a frequent basis.

Credit Card Spending Down By 10%, Our Is Down By 50%: The most telling part of this article was that SVB’s spending is down because her stress-related medical spending dropped after she quit her job.

Last Minute Tax Deals: Mine are done, but I’ll wait – as I usually do – until April 14th or 15th to file.  I owe a tiny amount – less than $300 – so I figure there’s no rush to file.  I’ve finished everything, but I’ll wait to e-file until the last minute.  If you haven’t started, though – get on it.

Hey Big 4! If I Were You, Here’s What I’d Do (Instead…): If you know anything about the Big 4, this is a grim, grim article. I’d be worried if I knew anyone associated with this industry – or if you are, say, a shareholder in a company audited by one of these four firms, which includes most of the Fortune 500.

Why I’m Glad I Didn’t Kill Myself: Pretty amazing post. I can’t imagine going through that thought process, and it’s a touching piece worth reading. My blog’s named brip blap because I’m a very up-and-down person, but honestly, I’ve never – even in my darkest moments of depression – considered killing myself. I’ve always been, if nothing else, very interested in seeing what the future holds. I also suspect I am a bit too much in love with myself to do that. But it’s a brave thing to discuss, and Mrs. Micah deserves some kudos for having the guts to write about it.

PS: I am referencing the excellent book North Toward Home in the title of this post.  A lazy afternoon spent chatting with Mr. Morris on the front porch of a coffee house in a Mississippi summer haze is a fond memory of mine, and my best memory of talking with a writer.

photo credit: trialsanderrors

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linklings, south towards home edition is an original article from the website brip blap.

Second: Dropping out of graduate school

The second crisis was more profound than my first one. I received a degree in mathematics and did well enough to be accepted directly into a PhD program at another state university.  The program I was accepted into was not world-class, but it was a solid mid-range PhD mathematics program.  I was studying complex theoretical mathematics and thought I had an aptitude for both math and teaching.  I thought I would coast through the PhD program and launch a brilliant career as a math professor studying esoteric theoretical hoohah.

I was wrong. Badly.  The PhD program hit me like a brick in the head almost from the moment I arrived.  I was unprepared to go from my undergraduate math major to a PhD program.  Even while majoring in the subject as an undergrad, I took maybe 2-3 math courses per semester while continuing my other courses – Russian, psychology, English, etc.  I had no real job although I did substitute teach from time to time at the local public schools.  I had plenty of free time for sports, social life and pursuing my other interests.

All of that changed in a heartbeat. My life was math, all math, all the time.  I was teaching undergraduate courses.  My fellow students were all just as good and, for the most part, better at math than I was.  I had no time to develop a social life in a new city.  I was overwhelmed.  I struggled for two semesters, and then sat back and did an assessment of my life.

I was passing my courses, but not by much. I was teaching my classes, but struggling to grade papers and keep up with my own homework.  The single-mindedness of the focus on math bored me to tears.  I had spent half of the season on the lacrosse team before dropping that, so my only social activity was my work with a political campaign.  All of this to pursue a degree that might take another five years to achieve, and then face what appeared to be a long recession when I emerged into the job market (this was the early 90s).

I had never met academic or personal failure to this point in my life. Admitting that I had failed was something I almost could not do.  I was ready to soldier on, fading further and further, just to avoid failing.  But in the end, I did.  I dropped out of school, packed all my belongings into a U Haul trailer attached to my 4-cylinder car, and drove back to my hometown.  I rented a small apartment  with two roommates and started taking accounting courses to build up the prerequisites for entry into the master’s program.

I’ll continue this series intermittently over the next week.  I am traveling, so no roundup until at least Sunday.

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five crises, part 2 is an original article from the website brip blap.

The definition of a crisis varies from person to person. One person’s crisis might be a near-fatal accident or illness; another person’s crisis might be the cancellation of My Own Worst Enemy.  I have often said to my friends and families that while my own personal troubles might be small in the scope of the world’s problems, they are mine, and that means they matter more to me – if I am honest with myself – than war in the Congo or smog in Los Angeles or Madoff’s Ponzi scheme.  I know that these events come to touch me in ways I can’t imagine, but I can only look so far into the past or future to figure out those links.  The collapse of the Soviet Union resulted in the birth of my two children, for example, since the resulting collapse of the Soviet Republic where my wife’s family lived caused a rise in anti-Semitism that drove them away, eventually landing in New York where Bubelah and I met.

So despite understanding that the risk of a nation’s collapse is a REAL crisis, I decided to write a few articles about the greatest crises I’ve had in my life. I have been lucky not to face anything insurmountable so far.  I have had crises that I won’t cover here – deeply personal, for example.  But these five crises have affected me in one way or another, and I wonder how much they shaped – or did NOT – shape my life.

First:  The decision to reject great expectations

I was a star performer in my small, Southern high school.  I loaded myself up with every academic honor available.  I was a varsity athlete.  I won a scholarship to be an exchange student in Germany, I was valedictorian, I was a National Merit Finalist, and on and on.  Many people – teachers, friends, relatives – had high hopes for me.  I was recruited heavily by colleges all over the country.  I was accepted to every college I applied to, and received full tuition scholarships to every one, as well.  I wrote at length about this in another post.

One college was Harvard, and another was a prestigious southern private university. I think the assumption was that even though Harvard might be a stretch – based on my father’s experience with the Ivies I wasn’t ever serious about attending – most of my classmates, teachers and even relatives seemed surprised when I turned down all offers to attend my local state university.  I was told by classmates and teachers that I was “wasting my life.”  I was accused of being afraid to leave home.  Ironically, that accusation came from my classmates and teachers who had never left the state, considering I had already lived in Germany and traveled all over the country for academic contests and events.

The crisis was my self-doubt. Was I somehow cheating myself of a glorious destiny?  Was attending a state school some sort of lowering of expectations?  I worried about this a lot for a short time.  But this crisis was the easiest of the five to overcome.  I loved the school, I discovered that my supposed interest in political science and law completely disappeared once I took advanced mathematics and Russian courses, and I had a lot of fun with my social life and even worked my way into being a varsity athlete in a new sport (lacrosse).  Since I made that decision, I have never looked back; of the many things I may have regretted in my life, my choice of a college has not been one of them.

Stay tuned…

photo credit: Koshyk

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five crises, part 1 is an original article from the website brip blap.

What would you do if you were faced with almost total freedom of choice? If most of the barriers to your decision-making process were suddenly and abruptly removed?  I found myself in this position a few months ago.  With no employment, a location-independent side income, a stay-at-home spouse and two children not yet attending school, I was handed the final piece to the puzzle – an offer to buy our home.

I don’t think most people can easily comprehend how disorienting it feels to suddenly have no obligations or commitments to one’s current lifestyle. My wife and I woke up one day to realize that our house was sold, I had no job, she had no job, our kids were still young enough to relocate without any trouble and soon we won’t even have a place to live.  We are as free as we can be (excepting, of course, that we have two children to care for).

I have dreamed for years of living in a semi-tropical climate. I am a fair skinned person, but I feel most comfortable in the heat and sun.  I am not a cold weather person – probably due to growing up in the Deep South -  and despite 13 years of living in Moscow and New York I have never fully adjusted to the cold climate.  Bubelah is a product of a Central Asian climate – again, not nearly as cold as New York.  Since we were married we have flirted with the idea of moving to a warm climate, and again and again the topic turned to Florida (as opposed to a more distant location like Arizona or California or South America).

It is easy, once you have the chance, to get scared of freedom. I wake up in the early hours many mornings wondering what will happen – are we doing the right thing, is it a mistake, should I be more cautious.  But almost every day I think that we’ll never have this chance again.  If I take a new contract in New York, or we buy a place in New York, or do almost anything other than taking our chance to move where we want to move that we’ll always wonder what if.  We will never know what would have happened if we took hold of the opportunity we had to do what we wanted.  Five years from now Little Buddy and Pumpkin will be in school, we’d be more settled and moving would be a nightmare.

Right now we can take a chance, and right or wrong we can make a decision and see how it affects our lives. If you believe in something for years and years and when the time comes to act on that belief you don’t seize it, I think you would regret it.  I don’t want to regret the things I didn’t do, more than I fear the regret I might feel if I do them.

photo credit: Manjeet Bawa

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how to stick to a decision is an original article from the website brip blap.

I spent about an hour on the phone yesterday with a real estate agent in Florida, where we hope to move. He’s a neighbor of a work contact of mine, who referred me to him.  I didn’t know him, and spoke to him solely based on my work contact’s recommendation – and my work contact was just a loose networking connection, too.

If you try to network thinking of how other people can help YOU, you will not be a successful networker. You have to become useful to others.  This real estate agent – I’ll call him Fred – reminded me of that today.  With little investment other than spending time talking to me today, he converted me from someone who’s looking for help into someone who’s looking to do a favor.  He spent a long time (over an hour) answering every question I had.  He sent me emails and gave me other real estate agents’ numbers.   He helped even knowing that I was looking to rent rather than buy.

What he did was convert me from someone who wanted something into someone who felt like he wanted to help him. Faced with a half dozen agents in my future hometown, I’d rather give Fred my business.  He helped me without asking for anything in return.  I know that he considered the fact that I’d appreciate his help, but that kind of thinking can drive you crazy – you can’t always assume that you’ve been helped because of an ulterior motive, despite what Adam Smith said.

The attempt to help others simply because it’s good business, good politics and … quaint as it may seem … just GOOD, is admirable. I’m reminded on a daily basis that offering to help someone without expectation of reward is infinitely rewarding.  You can gain personally; you can gain good karma, if you belive in that.  I’m enough of a believer in “karma” or “mojo” or “The Force” that I do believe that efforts on behalf of others do return, directly or indirectly, good things to you.   So remember the next time that you’re asked for help – or you feel inclined to offer it – that the effort it takes to assist in lieu of compensation is a precious gift, and none of us are too poor to give it.

photo credit: mujitra (´･ω･)

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in order to be helped, help first is an original article from the website brip blap.