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But – and this is a big but – it wasn’t something he was burning with passion to do. He certainly didn’t define himself as a skydiver, and he just turned himself to other pursuits. It’s a really tricky question. If part of your identity – your reason for “being” – is tied up in skydiving, you have to ask yourself if you’ll be miserable and a worse father and husband if you stop doing it. If you will, you shouldn’t stop – maybe you can scale it back, or do “safer” dives. However, you also have to ask yourself which would be worse – missing the thrill of skydiving or missing seeing your children grow up.

I’m willing to bet you are causing your wife a lot of stress. Think about whether all that is worth it – all of THEIR stress is worth your enjoyment – and then make a decision. And if you decide to keep skydiving, make sure you are insured to the max. Don’t add fear of financial-disaster-through-accidents to your family’s stress, too!

Really, risk is everywhere. Getting in a careening metal box and driving at 60-70 miles per hour on roads with other metal boxes headed toward you at the same speed is awfully dangerous, too. I walked through a subway station in Moscow once that blew up and killed 80 people 30 minutes later once. Life is risky.

(as a side note, do you know more people die scuba diving than skydiving every year?)

Thanks for the reply, and the perspective. I’ve told my wife that I’m willing to not skydive while our kids are so young and dependent on us, and she wants me to commit to not skydiving until they get out of high school. We’re considering going to counseling to see if a third-party can help lend some objectivity to this “discussion.” She’s convinced that I’m not considering our kids future if I decide to skydive and I think it’s just a difference of opinion regarding the relative “safety” of skydiving. There’s lots of skydiving safety statistics online (http://entertainment.howstuffworks.com/skydiving8.htm or http://www.supremesite.com/skydive/skydiving_statistics.htm) , and, while I’m not saying it doesn’t have risks, I’m just saying that I do consider the risks of anything I do and how it might affect my family before I decide to pursue that activity or not.

The additional $1300/yr. cost to my life insurance also affects my decision, and I would NEVER consider resuming it without having life insurance and accidental death & dismemberment coverage…

Thanks for the scuba statistic. Makes me wonder if she would have the same objection if I wanted to start diving…

Thanks again for inspiring me to start writing and keeping a journal again!!

You could say “raising my children to be happy, productive members of society” is a goal, and that is probably what most people mean when they say having kids is a goal, but if you think about it, this goal must be necessarily vague. Why? Because our ideas of what constitutes “happy” and “productive” are going to necessarily differ from our children’s ideas of what constitutes “happy” and “productive.” So our concepts of those terms as pertain to our children are going to be necessarily vague. And a vague goal is not a goal that leads to success.

@Saving Diva: Trust me, I’m always struggling with it too. You will find it – we all will, if we try. It’s only if you accept being a routine person that you won’t find purpose. I’m trying to think of it this way these days: what would I like to give back?

@Bouncing Betty, @dawn: It’s great that you’re working on Purpose Set #2! Same response that I gave Saving Diva: always look at it in terms of what you can give back. That’s a helpful kick start to any question of purpose…

@guinness416: Very good point. I can tell you that I always thought that having kids would flood me with an overwhelming and unending sense of purpose, that would eliminate all need for external purpose to disappear. It doesn’t. Having kids is not a purpose. Having a good relationship with your spouse is not a purpose. Being happy is not a purpose. I was really bummed to discover this. Purpose seems to be external to family. I feel an overwhelming pride in my son’s accomplishments and happiness and if he grows up to be a good man and a good father himself I’d die happy. BUT… it wouldn’t fulfill that need for purpose. Maybe it’s just me, and maybe you’ve given me good fodder for a future post. Sailing to Ireland isn’t a purpose, but challenging yourself against the Atlantic is. People are weird. You would think having a roof, three hots and a cot would be enough but it isn’t. I am already wealthier and healthier than 99.99% of the human population and I natter on about self-improvement. We are just lucky to be here at the leading edge of human history, seeking purpose instead of grubbing for calories to survive until the next day…

(end bleakness)