I would give one other piece of advice – don’t call in sick, don’t say you bought another gift. The next time there’s another mother-to-be you’ll have to dance around this again. Just get it over with – say that you just don’t want to contribute. But unless you are firm and simply say ‘no’ you will endlessly be making up excuses and squirming out of it. Set the pattern and eventually people will leave you alone.

One of the women I work with is having a surprise shower next week, and we’ve been asked to donate $20 yet again. I guess I wouldn’t hesitate if I was getting reciprocal treatment, but recently when I had to pay for my own lunch on my birthday even though I always pitch in for my co-workers–I was really upset. I really hate having to do the mandatory donation in general–its awkward and when its not done for everyone it can be really hurtful.

I’m not sure what I should do now–I don’t want to look like the office jerk/cheapskate, but I also want to stop gift giving to people who don’t feel obligated to the sort for me. A friend of mine in a different department told me to call in sick, and another told me just to tell the busybody that I already bought another gift intended for the mom-to-be. Any advice??

24 Living Off Dividends { 01.24.08 at 1:00 pm } those bastards!
i’ve always gotten emails,which I promptly delete.

I did cough up 20 bucks for a co-workers wife who was walking for 3 days for breast-cancer. I was really pissed when I didn’t get a receipt for my taxes!

25 Laudy { 01.24.08 at 3:59 pm } I was asked to donate $35 for a Christmas gift for my boss. My husband and I are working like crazy to pay off student loans and personal debt. I didn’t even spend $35 on my 4 year old for Christmas!!

26 Live from the Belly of the Beast { 01.25.08 at 8:22 am } Laudy- how do you handle that? My co-workers don’t know about the credit crisis we’re in so I can’t say no-thanks on that basis.

@JB: That’s really the problem, isn’t it? If it was truly optional and voluntary you could just say hey, I don’t feel like participating. But there’s a subtle and firm pressure to ‘be part of the crew’ in every office. Some offices are worse than others. One place where I worked had such an intricate and set-in-stone “who-eats-lunch-with-who” structure that it was infuriating. So you’re right – if you chip in and you feel it makes it a better place to work for you, then do it. It’s just unfortunate that anyone feels they have to give money to feel ‘part of the in-crowd,’ isn’t it?

@LOD: Yeah, I always felt like a creep asking for receipts for things like that, but really – why should I feel like a creep?

@Laudy: In that case, you’re stuck. It’s hard to go around announcing to people that you’re trying to pay down debts so you can’t afford to contribute. People will grumble. “Hey, times are tough everywhere, and Laudy’s just being cheap,” etc. It’s unfair that – again – a “gift” requires pressure. Like LFTBOTB says, if your co-workers don’t know, how can you beg off?

I’ll throw out a simple-to-say but hard-to-do solution: just say “no thanks.” What else can you do? Just say money’s tight. I know it’s hard, because people are embarrassed to talk about money, but it’s YOUR money and YOUR future. Long after the job is in the past, the choices you made – about how to fritter away money on gifts you didn’t want to buy for people you didn’t stay in touch with – will still be with you.