personal finance, wealthbuilding and the journey to financial freedom

Jan 22, 2008

giving gifts in the office

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dunder A pet peeve of mine, for a long time, has been the corporate office “pitch in for a gift” routine. If you aren’t a corporate employee, what happens is that there’s usually one perky busybody in every department who decides to buy a flower basket when co-workers gets sick, or a teddy bear when they have a baby, or an item from the registry when someone gets married, or even a little gift for everyone’s birthday. This busybody goes around and asks everyone for a “donation,” knowing full well that for most people refusing is an embarrassing proposition.

I have never liked this business of pitching in.

  • 1. I don’t always like the person for whom the present is being purchased.
  • 2. Sometimes the reason for the gift is trivial - someone is having a birthday? What, are we 12?
  • 3. There is a subtle discrimination - someone who has been around longer, or has a better position, or is simply more popular gets bigger or better gifts.
  • 4. If the busybody is encouraged, soon you are shelling out $10-$20 a week for “voluntary” gifts.

I am also very uncomfortable accepting such gifts, and have often said point-blank that I don’t want any gifts. Maybe I have a distorted view, but to me if I receive a gift I feel an obligation to return it the next time I’m asked to contribute. Then I’m “stuck” as a regular contributor.

Now that I’m a consultant - and technically not “part” of the department - I find it easier to refuse. I am stingy enough with gift-giving for my family and friends (and myself) that I resent any “required” gifts for my co-workers. I know, in a sense, that this just reflects the realities of most people’s lives - that they spend more time with their co-workers than with their friends and families and therefore want to contribute to the morale of their workplace. Yet every time I’m asked to pitch in $10 for a co-worker’s cheese-and-sausage gift basket I see $10 that could buy my son some books, or $10 to add to my nieces’ and nephew’s custodial accounts, or even $10 that Bubelah and I could put towards an occasional evening out. I am selfish that way.

So am I crazy? Do you have people asking you to contribute to “departmental” gifts at the office? Do you participate? Am I just being a jerk?

(photo credit by makelessnoise)

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Viewing 32 Comments

    • ^
    • v
    I have to agree with the ridiculousness of this. In the past 9 months that I've been at my current job, I've been asked for at least $60 for two employees only - the managers of our branch. Anniversaries, birthdays, and Christmas. They're the highest paid of the bunch. It'd be one thing if I actually got to be a part of the gift giving - like signing a card, witnessing the exchange, or even knowing what the hell they got - but I never have been. This is in addition to the $40 "social committee" fee we have to pay every 6 months, too.

    I think I need a gift, for putting up with it. Funny, I didn't even get a card for my birthday.
    • ^
    • v
    I don't think I can recall being subjected to direct pressure tactics. Sometimes somebody gets a card and we all sign it. There are several indirect money drives e.g. corporate sponsored charity, or some random person that I've never heard about leaving or having a baby or a birthday or whatever, etc. but these requests usually arrive by - sometimes several - mass emails which can just be ignored. But yes, I am a little bit conflicted by the indirect peer pressure to fit in ("be popular"). For instance, the social group for new employees is all about going out and eating and going to the movies which is something that I don't particularly enjoy. Instead I just hang out with the hockey players. I do worry how much this hurts me career wise. For instance, many people consider all these departmental eating arrangements mandatory. I suspect these events are mainly driven by a few extroverts and tradition.
    • ^
    • v
    I think the farthest I've seen it go is cards. Well, when I got married, my workplace gave me a card with a cash gift--I'm guessing it was from the staffers and not just the library itself.
    • ^
    • v
    Ugh! I hate this too! I didn't mind pitching in for a little something for my boss when he received a huge grant (which is a big deal and pays my salary)...but we were expected to pitch in $20 for a 80gb iPod for a guy....and then $10 for a digital camera for someone else....I try to avoid it, but it's hard. I usually just make cupcakes for birthdays (like I'm 12).
    • ^
    • v
    At my last job, my small department celebrated birthdays within the team by pitching in $2.00 and ordering an ice cream cake we could all eat that afternoon. If someone skipped paying now and then nobody cared (but we did expect them to help with the ice cream).

    There was a lot of gift-giving on the floor, but it was usually done by circulating a card with an envelope for voluntary donations. Anyone who signed the card was invited to the cake and gift-giving for the recipient. The contribution, if any, was anonymous.

    While I enjoyed the social aspect of the celebrations, I sometimes felt it was a little excessive. If it becomes an obligation, then all the fun goes out of it.
    • ^
    • v
    If you are working for a corporation, I would expect that there are or should be corporate policies regarding solicitation. I would think the manager would have to give approval for such a thing, even if only a verbal ok.

    Also it wouldn't look good for management if only some employees got birthday gifts and not others so one would think that for the sake of equality, that this shouldn't be done for some unless it is done for all.

    At the last place I worked for we were asked to give $2 a week to cover such things. The success of such a venture ultimately depends on the person in charge of the money. I only worked there for about 6 months but I didn't begrudge the two bucks a week.
    • ^
    • v
    Maybe it's down to the construction environment but I've never really done this anywhere I've worked. I can see hat it would be annoying. On the odd occasion we do baby gifts etc they're paid for by the company, which given that they're "teambuilding" ideas it seems to me is the way it should be, right? What we do have a lot of is gambling - the lotto, NFL pools, march madness, etc etc but that's fairly easy to beg out of (and I love gambling and sport so I'm usually in).
    • ^
    • v
    Totally agree with you. And yes it makes me fell like a cheap skate if I refuse to donate. Sucks all the way around. And no you are not selfish in thinking of other ways you would like to use YOUR money. Although, I do like the cupcakes idea!
    • ^
    • v
    I HATE office gifts. They always approach you in front of a group of people and ask loudly. It's uncomfortable!
    • ^
    • v
    I am not a big fan of office gifts, especially since it always seems to be for the same people - the managers. Just last week we gave our manager a gift card to Starbucks at our Christmas party. He softened the blow, however, by saying he'll be using it to buy us all coffees one day.
    • ^
    • v
    In the department where I used to work they finally did away with all gift giving for birthdays. They had been doing group gifts for evern employee for years, as it was a small tight knit group, but as the department grew it became too much, too often. Plus, the salary discrepancy in that place was large, and people who made more resented the obligation to contribute more--many times those who made the least wouldn't contribute or would only put in $2, but the problem was most of the gifts were for those employees, as there were more of them.

    In my new department no one takes up donations for anything, and I love it! I don't want crappy random gifts, and I don't want to give them either.
    • ^
    • v
    I often think the busybody that is collecting the money takes in more than they pay out for the gift!
    • ^
    • v
    I can't imagine the crazy logistics where I work for this kind of thing. Usually, there's a cake for a birthday (or even better, a cake for the birthdays in a given month). There's also a card to sign. But no obligatory gift-giving... I've only ever contributed to a going-away present for someone I worked with every day for several years, and once I went to a baby shower held at work. I've never felt like anything was required, but I'm also kind of dense to things like that. No guilt complex for me. :)
    • ^
    • v
    Man, this post says it all!

    We don't go as far as bdays but we always do a gift ceremony thing for people who are having babies and leaving the company. I don't mind it so much but in my office the card is always put into an inter-office envelope and if someone decides that your dept knows the person well enough then all your names get put on the envelope and you have to cross it off. Very annoying, especially if you barely know/hate the person.

    I've only ever not done it a couple of times when a) I really didn't like the person and b) there was a woman who I didn't like was having her 9th baby (approximately) and I just didn't have it in me to donate any money or write something on the card.

    I will say however in my office that the $$ amount is totally voluntary.

    Another thing that annoys me is that we have management driven "charity" draws where the admins will go around and ask you to buy tickets - pretty hard to say no.

    Mike

    p.s. - for the record - Mrs. Pillars and I used to work at the same company.
    • ^
    • v
    I tend to find the bigger the organization, the more "pressure" is exerted. I have worked for big and small and, in a small office, everyone is friends so nothing seems forced.

    I agree with Four Pillars- I am annoyed when someone picks a charity for me at work and thinks it is more important to promote that cause than any other. We all have our pet charitable causes; why is someone picking one for me?
    • ^
    • v
    No I don't think you are crazy for feeling that way. I worked in a large department where there are many employees. It seemed like you're giving a few bucks here and there everyday for crap. We all need more meaningless junk, like we need a hold in the head.

    The times where it ticked me off was when my peers decided to buy our boss a gift. It was never usually cheap. The problem was that she tap danced on my nerves everyday. So why the hell would I want to give her the money that I have to beg for every time annual review came around?
    Not to mention that the company had some agreement with a large charity to rustle up support every year from the employees. Contributing was mandatory for the management team. I didn't appreciate being coerced into donating my money or time to a charity that I didn't choose. Whew! Thanks for letting me get that off my chest...
    • ^
    • v
    I hated it so much when I used to work. One time, I remember, a woman from another department approached me to tell me that she is collecting money for so-and-so's baby shower right in front of my then boss. First of all, the girl was not from my department, second of all, all the interaction I had with the future mother-to-be were not pleasant. I just shrugged it off and said "oh, nice" and didn't run for my wallet. The "busybody" was "following up" with me via phone and e-mails about donation. I still can't believe it. I started avoiding her in the hallways.
    Thankfully my dept. was not so big and all the cakes came out of the departm. budget.
    • ^
    • v
    Also really gets me when you are asked to lug food into the office for the potluck. so now you are juggling your briefcase, your shoulder bag, and the food container. Across the parking lot@ up the elevator.
    • ^
    • v
    I used to work in an office where the *busybody* would actually go buy the gift for the random person upstairs and demand my "share" afterwards. At my current work I'm annoyed by baby showers and wedding gifts. Not that I want more junk, but really, these people didn't know me when I got married, and I'm not going to have kids so it's a little lopsided.
    • ^
    • v
    I agree, this is a real pain.

    A couple of times, I have paid and then deliberately missed the "celebrations".

    I have already made of my mind to say no the next time and just be the office leper.
    • ^
    • v
    I completely agree with Belly of the Beast. So you're getting married- Big deal. You're having ANOTHER baby- Big deal. I am so tired of "celebrating" the decisions (of which have little consequence to me) and lives of people I barely know. I work hard to support ME!! And exactly why are "upper-management" the ones who benefit the most?