Jessica

If one person is holding their cards to their chest. It defeats the whole point.

Another quote:
'Everybody in the world is playing poker, let's all play snap and be happy'

I think it's all down to how to describe it. I wouldn't call it brutal honesty I'd just say I am straight with my wife. I TRULY believe that if everyone was straight with each other we'd be much happier.

To give an example of me being treated with brutal honesty and the 'touchy touchy' way of dealing with confrontation.
I am a freelancer and work in quite alot of different places. I have had some really horrible experiences where I have been forced out of jobs because no one was strong enough to tell me the truth. I was left thinking about it and going over again and gain 'what did I do wrong?' it left me a gibbering wreck, and paranoid when I didn't understand peoples messages 'what did that mean?' I was constantly trying to figure out what people meant because no one was directly saying anything.

On the other hand I worked at one place where I had a brutally honest boss. I worked for him and he gave me compliments when I did well and was honest when I made mistakes. Anyway he called me into his office and said to me straight that they were getting rid of me because they needed someone with more experience and someone who could produce the work a particular way. So I was upset for about 5 minutes but I really respected his honesty. I went away, took note of what he said and improved in all the areas he said. I'm now a better worker for it. I have no baggage whatsoever and don't spend hours thinking 'what did that mean' 'why did she say this' 'what was that comment supposed to convey' 'was that aimed at me or at someone else' 'was that just a throwaway comment or did it mean something' etc. Give me brutal honesty any day. It hurts more initially but it does you good and stops you repeating mistakes.

I think if people were more honest with themselves as well as each other they'd be so much happier. And the world wouldn't be such a mess of confusion.

I read the post about someone who had problems with acne. Well I do understand your point of view but the chap probably thought he was being helpful. He is going to do it again to someone else. In my opinion you should have said to him honestly 'I find it offensive that you are giving me advice. I am 22 years old and have obviously tried any treatments there are out there already, you should know it is rude and unfeeling to offer advice when someone hasn't asked for it' The chap would have been offended and it would have been extremely uncomfortable but I KNOW that he would not have done it again and would have been more understanding of how of people feel. You didn't tell him anything and he is probably giving some other poor person advice now, until he meets with someone strong enough to put him in his place and then it will stop. And only then.

Here's a silly quote:
'If someones breath smells of garlic, tell them then they can buy some chewing gum'

Or you could not tell them and let them breath on every single person they meet on that day.

Honesty “out” or delivered brutally is abusive. There is no need for honesty to be delivered in an unkind or violating way. You might even say that if something *can't* be delivered kindly, then it's probably manipulation, abuse, or coercion and not true honesty.

However, even the kindest honesty can be received *as* brutal. It can feel brutal on the receiving end to hear certain things. Things we would rather be in denial about.

So useful honesty may feel brutal when *received*. But honesty *delivered* brutally is just an attempt to whitewash abuse.

today i have a great husband.

I think it differs somewhat in a case of intervention such as an alcoholic or drug abuser or even a compulsive spender. There is a time when you have to take off the gloves and just say it even if it hurts.